The cost!

The cost to me of 35 years of suppressing a desire to dress in an unconventional way. That sounds so dry, but the tears are filling my heart and they’re leaking out of my eyes.
Cost number 1, I rarely cried. I can count on my fingers how many times I deeply cried in the last 35 years. Maybe on my fingers and toes but not a lot. Like many men, I found real tears hard. Always this part would come in at the last moment and stop them. Im not sure what’s changed since I started to allow myself to dress in an unconventional manner but something has.
Cost number 2 has been my vulnerability. Trousers are so enclosing, all held in and wrapped up. Perfect for women perhaps but my dangly bits are outside of my body and a bit more freedom is required/desired. But with freedom comes vulnerability! To be open down there is vulnerable. Someone might see!:-0. So in a Skirt I’m vulnerable, in a good way for me!:-)x
Cost number 3 has been relationships. I’m sad to admit this but for 35 years I saw women as a way of getting a need met. A need that I mistook for sex but was in fact a need to experience beauty with my body. Thanks to some good women <3<3<3<3, I have over the the last 10 years started to learn about the deep loving friendship of girl friends. Women really are much more beautiful than men (currently!:-). That’s why you live longer. No offence to my many and seriously beautiful men friends, especially the band of brothers, but you know what I mean right?:-)x
Cost number 4! I’ve never had a pair of gold sparkly trainers! Once people’s feet hit size 8 or 9 society has an unwritten and barely spoken rule that states ‘The bigger the feet the duller the shoes’. The same can be said for clothes. As the lady in the shoe shop said ‘For the larger lady it’s like they expect me to wear a sack!’.
‘I mean where’s the shape or the style?!’
You see even larger ladies (and quite a lot of men it seems!:-) like to feel beauty in and on there bodies. But gold sparkly trainers are hard to find in Churchill Square. I’m sure they are available. I saw a silver pair in the Versace shop in Milan but they were £600. I didn’t ask about the size:-(x.
The costs were many. The rewards now are more!:-)
Peace, Love and thank you for reading this.
Blessings.
A Man in a Skirt.

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